The Croissant That Almost Caused My Divorce

I know there are horror stories of people getting crazy when they’re pregnant, but I wasn’t really one of those people. Haha!! I know what you’re thinking: “pssshhhtt….let’s ask B just how crazy you were or weren’t.” But, in all honesty, I hardly ever just snapped for no reason or became irrationally emotional when I was pregnant. The key words in there, of course, are “hardly ever.” We almost got divorced over a croissant.

I was about 8 weeks pregnant and, while I wasn’t vomiting, I was nauseated on a fairly regular basis. Also, the nausea was worse when I didn’t put something in my stomach within a certain time, as is often the case during pregnancy for a lot of people. On this particular day, B had made plans to meet up with friends of ours for brunch and we had agreed to make the drive up to Long Beach. This meant we had to get up and get going in the morning.

Before we left, I was sitting on the couch, waiting for B to finish. I always finish getting ready before B, and sometimes I also get the baby ready and still finish before her. But I digress. So, I was dressed before her, and told her that I wanted to get a croissant on the way out of town. It was going to be a near-two-hour drive and I didn’t want the nausea to get worse. She said okay.

Our selfie from that day (when we first got in the car)

Then, she started realizing we were (she was) running late. She started rushing. She went into the kitchen and asked if I wanted to just eat a granola bar she’d found in there instead of the croissant.

I simply said: “don’t try to make me eat things I don’t want to eat, B.”

I didn’t yell this; I just said it matter of factly. She said okay and went to finish getting dressed.

When we finally left, our ETA was late enough to warrant a hey-we’re-going-to-be-late text and B was in straight-panic mode. I don’t know why she was freaking out. Yeah, it sucks to be late to things, but also, we were meeting friends for brunch, not going to a job interview. So, in her panic to just get there, I presume, she made the same mistake she’d made earlier. She started to complain about how she wished there was a place to get a croissant in a drive-thru and then…(the mistake) asked if I maybe wanted something off of the McDonald’s breakfast menu instead.

I didn’t say a word. I had just told her about trying to make me eat things I didn’t want, PLUS I was irritated that she was complaining when I’d mentioned the croissant long before she was ever even running late.

She accurately took my silence as a hard “no” and stuck to the plan. When she pulled into the parking spot in front of the donut shop, she got irritated, again, when she saw the line. So, I just got out of the car myself and went to get my croissant, slamming the car door on my way out. But, while I was waiting in line, I realized I couldn’t tell if the croissants in the display case were filled and I only wanted a plain one. So, I got out of line and went back to the car.

B: “What?”
Me: “I didn’t want to wait forever only to find out they didn’t have any plain ones left”

She drove off. Of course, she could have just gotten out herself and waited, or even explained where she was going, but she didn’t. She drove to Starbucks, put in an order using the app, and got out of the car. When she got back into the car, she started complaining about the service. I didn’t say a word.

As a matter of fact, I didn’t say a word to her for the next hour. I ate the croissant and rode in silence for over half of our trip. Stewing inside. I mean I was pissed. I was thinking “I fucking hate her!” Then, “No, stop saying that.” And then, “But I really do. I really fucking hate her.”

Now, you might be thinking..big whoop, you were thinking you hated her. But let me put this into context. I have never uttered that I hated someone prior to this incident…not aloud, not mentally. I grew up in a family where “hate” was treated as a bad word, worse than a cuss word, so we weren’t allowed to say we hated anyone and I don’t even know that I ever heard my parents utter it about another person even once. Yet, there I was, mentally arguing with myself about how much I hated my wife. Haha!!!

And, as my mom pointed out when we laughed about this story a couple of weeks later, B hadn’t even failed to get me the croissant. Haha!! I got to eat the croissant, but I was still that pissed about the whole thing. Those hormones are hell I tell you!

I eventually ended up randomly saying something to her about 30 minutes before we got to brunch and all was well, but it was a close call ya’ll. We were headed right to divorce court.

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